Generations of bat mitzvahs, as told by a loving grandmother

To begin the very special and emotional story of the recent bat mitzvah of our oldest granddaughter, Rebecca Shara Jay, I cannot help but recall the bat mitzvah of her mother, my daughter, Rachel Jay. Rachel’s bat mitzvah may have taken place 29 years ago at the Jewish Community Center of Paramus, but it seems like just yesterday.

Rachel was named for her beloved grandmother, my mother, Ruth Janoff, of blessed memory, who passed away when I was 24. Sadly, Rachel never got a chance to meet her grandmother and to learn what a special woman my mother was. Life sometimes takes you in its own direction, and I was to navigate many years as a young mother without my own mother being here. So, when it was time to prepare Rachel’s bat mitzvah in 1997, it was no easy task for me without having my mother by my side.

Nevertheless, my mother was near me in spirit at Rachel’s bat mitzvah. It took place on a Sunday morning, a Rosh Chodesh, and was followed by a brunch. Watching my daughter move into Jewish womanhood was extremely emotional and filled me with such pride.

Fast forward 29 years to my granddaughter, Rebecca’s bat mitzvah. Rebecca had diligently prepared for the special day and very much enjoyed the weekly learning with Cantor Jacob Greenberg and Rabbi Howard Tilman of Congregation Beth Israel in Scotch Plains, where her bat mitzvah took place.

For Rebecca, getting the learning down was one matter, but getting her dress for the big day was another. For sentimental reasons, her mother and I both offered the dresses we wore when we became bat mitzvah —mine was in 1970 at Congregation B’nai Jacob in Jersey City. Yes! I still have that kelly green velvet gem that we bought at Pesin’s in Jersey City. Rebecca politely declined the offers. Funny enough, we did find her dress at the same shop in Manalapan where I bought her mother’s dress. It felt poetic.

I relished being part of the preparation process for Rebecca’s bat mitzvah. There were so many special grandmother-granddaughter moments those afternoons that we spent together. Dress shopping with her other grandmother and loving family members. Tallit shopping at CBL Fine Art in West Orange. Buying yarmulkas at Cool Kippahs in Teaneck, and ordering sweets for the shul at Zadies Bake Shop in Fair Lawn. This time with Rebecca was a treasure.

The tallit bag that she received was handmade — by me! All is can say is it took me five years to needlepoint this for Rebecca, and it was truly a labor of love. I have already started a new tallit bag for our next granddaughter. (A word of advice: Start early — our free time is so limited as we get older and neither our eyes nor our fingers work as well as they used to)!

Everything is so different these days. Invitations are Evites, emails sent to the parents of the invited teen guests. I can tell you, some of our friends and older relatives were cautious to open these, but this is the new norm. Plus, the makeup of the celebration — just included immediate family, Rebecca’s friends, and her parents’ friends.  I was very proud of my daughter and son-in-law, who totally planned the bat mitzvah from start to finish, and believe me, there are many moving parts.

Rebecca officially became a bat mitzvah during the Thursday morning service, where she davened beautifully from start to finish, and continued Friday night and Shabbat morning. (All of the pictures were taken on Thursday. There were none taken on Shabbat).

And of course, as you would expect, my tears just kept coming. We were so proud of her leading services, chanting her haftarah, and just having such a presence, the emotions we felt at our first granddaughter’s bat mitzvah were overwhelming.

We were joined by family who came from near and far, as well as many special friends, new and old, who have shared many of our life’s special occasions. They all came together to celebrate our simcha. It was just so very special and meaningful. The kiddush luncheon that followed services went on for hours. Everyone was united in pure joy. It does not get better than that!

Next up was the fabulous evening teen party, which took place at Powerhouse Vegas NJ Studios in Randolph. This is a story. The owners of Powerhouse Studios are Sam and Melanie Pellegrino. When we met Melanie years ago, she was a single mom and an ambitious graphic artist with a love for dancing. She worked for the Jewish Standard and on the weekends was a dancer for Sam’s DJ business. As fairy tales go, they fell in love and married, and to their credit they have three Powerhouse locations, also including Paramus and East Hanover, plus DJ services.

Crazy as crazy goes, Powerhouse was the entertainment for Rachel’s 1997 bat mitzvah, marking one of the group’s first in Bergen County. Sam was the DJ and Melanie was one of the dancers. It was fantastic! We also hired another dancer, Smitty — who is still very much employed by Powerhouse and was the emcee last month at Rebecca’s bat mitzvah! Talk about full circle.

It truly doesn’t get better than this. Imagine, a second legacy bat mitzvah by Powerhouse for this family. The story just continues, as do the smiles and the memories. This truly was a simcha to remember. I am grateful and truly blessed.

Beth Janoff Chananie is the community editor of the New Jersey/Rockland Jewish Standard and the New Jersey Jewish News.