Epic fail: The year in verse
Zei Gezunt, Two Thousand Fourteen!
Let’s recap the things we have seen,
From media bias to unfair attacks
To Donald Sterling’s rants about blacks,
Or a Nobel Prize for chemistry
(But not between Barack and Bibi).
Operation Protective Edge
Managed to insert a wedge
Between the world and Israel,
Which was blamed for overkill —
A double standard that resents
When Hebrews act in self-defense.
The war ignited acts of rage
That often seemed to take a page
From other times in history,
Like Nineteen Hundred Thirty-Three
Except this time the streets were lined
With so-called friends of Palestine.
Perhaps the war would not have mattered
Had not the hope of peace been tattered
By bottlenecks and a lack of trust
That no one seemed prepared to bust.
Not Bibi, Abbas, nor Kerry were able
To get both sides back to the table.
To build a nuke was put on hold
By sanctions that delivered pain
From Ashkezar to Zehadan.
But as an end to talks came near,
Tehran replied, “Sometime next year.”
U.S. Jews at least could say
They kept a nemesis at bay.
Our top leaders found a way
To deny the Street called J
(Despite their claims to probity)
Membership in the C of P.
Our focus on Hamas and ISIS
Was diverted by a crisis
In conversion set off by
A rabbi with a thing for spying on the women in his shul —
Talk about your dirty pool!
From soda water to chickpea spread,
A movement reared its ugly head
To boycott all things white and blue
And isolate its people, too.
We pushed back with a full-court press
To divest mankind of BDS.
We also took time to recall
Those whose murders cast a pall,
From the Kansas JCC
To Israel’s kidnapped boys, all three,
And Steven Sotloff, a writer who
Died for telling what was true.
Goodbye, Rav Zalman, a Yiddishe shaman,
“Super” Sam Sommers, and Florida’s Anne Heyman.
We’ll miss you, Joan Rivers, comic divine,
And mourn Edgar Bronfman and the scribe Leonard Fein
And Ariel Sharon, a warrior turned dove —
We hope you all find peace above.
And that is all the news that fits
Before we have to call it quits.
We know that it’s not Rosh Hashana,
But you’ll forgive us if we wanna
Wish you a year that’s sweet and serene
And see you again in 2015!
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