The ivory tower of babble — pre-Chanukah Miracle

The ivory tower of babble — pre-Chanukah Miracle

This had a Michael Jordan-like slam dunk written all over it, though neither Harvard, nor Penn, nor MIT are on that level.

The Three Blind Mice had the opportunity to make it all go away, served to them on a silver platter. As the presidents of three world-class universities, they needed to follow a simple game plan before the House Committee on Education and the Workforce. These incredibly wise leaders of our enlightened youth, needed to present a simple five-point plan and go home, unscathed:

1. Acknowledge that antisemitism on their campuses is abhorrent and out of control.

2. Emphasize the need for every student to feel safe and protected and have multiple proactive security plans in place. Included in this is acknowledgement that an open-door policy to their offices exists, especially for leaders of Hillel and Chabad.

3. Publicly warn that professors and students crossing a clearly stated red line of hate speech will not be tolerated and may be asked to leave campus, either temporarily or even permanently. Clearly state that discussions on parameters are taking place.

4. Provide increased mental health services by leaps and bounds and offer that staff are available 24/7 to deal with the trauma Jewish students are now facing. Reiterate that they have plans in place.

5. Present your plans in detail to the committee, and in brief but clear terms during your public presentations. Give the people examples. Or, as they themselves must have said 1,000 times in their careers, “show me your work.”

Somehow, a miracle of miracles occurred. No doubt advised by attorneys to avoid specific and conclusive statements so as to avoid potential lawsuits for not having said plans in place, these denizens of ivory towers babbled their way through hours of testimony. This can be construed as a modern day biblical miracle, where supposedly intelligent and well-spoken presidents of universities suddenly became mindless robots speaking an unintelligible language. Or at least a language just as reprehensible as their professors and students.

The hearing has the ability to become an answer to our prayers. As I write this, Penn’s Magill is clearly backtracking via video, while Harvard’s Gay has retroactively softened her stance. Too late. The board of trustees at Penn met today for an emergency caucus to discuss Magill’s forced resignation, a wealthy financier has withdrawn his $100,000,000 pledge to Penn (yes, count eight zeroes), and more high tides are on the way.

Congresswoman Elise Stefanik, who should be honored at every major Jewish dinner/gala across America, has already announced that in consultation with her chair, Congresswoman Vivian Foxx, more intense scrutiny is about to begin, subpenas will abound, demands for records and email will be forthcoming, and — guess what — all three and hopefully others (NYU, Columbia, beware) will be exposed.

I swear, it was a miracle. God literally twisted their tongues.

And the joke is on them, because while they blew their easy Michael Jordan slam dunk opportunity, they should have learned from congresswoman and committee chair Foxx, whose own alma mater is … take a guess … North Carolina.

Yes, she and MJ are both Tar Heels. Team colors are blue and white.

Robert Katz
Bergen County

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