The kiddush
Greetings from the shtetl. Hope you are all doing well.
I have learned that it is a “thing” to have a kiddush when you have a baby girl. Apparently this is done to help make sure that the baby girl gets married one day. I had never heard about this situation before Strudel was born, and I am pretty sure that my parents did not have a kiddush for me.
Does this mean that if they had, I would have a different type of marriage? Better? Worse? I would have gotten married earlier? I don’t know, but it is what it is. I am sure there is a more detailed back story on the having-a-kiddish “matziv” (that means situation in Hebrew, or Yiddish, I am not really sure).
According to Son #2, many years ago, one of the great rabbis had said that a young woman had not found her husband because her parents never gave her a kiddush. The blessing that one gives at the baby girl celebration is to her father, that he should merit to raise her with Torah, to the canopy (marriage), and to perform good deeds. And if you have one of these kiddushes, you receive many blessings from all of those in attendance and yada yada yada.
I am not trying to minimize the beauty of this sentiment, and may all of your daughters be blessed with good health and good spouses and all of those good things.
The boys get these blessings at their circumcisions. And there you go.
Anyway, to make a long story longer, Matzo Ball’s sister had one of these kiddushes this past Shabbos. In the shtetl, these events are men only. And Babka in her black dress who looks like the hired help walking around with a garbage bag. The party was held at a neighbor of son and DIL #3 because who wants all of these men at your apartment with a new baby hanging around.
The couple who was kind and generous enough to host this simcha just got married and moved into the building in the past few months. Now, because it is all about me, I really like them because, turns out, the husband reads my column. Who knew anyone in the shtetl read my column??
But, in all seriousness, they allowed my kids to celebrate the birth of their daughter, with black-hatted men walking in, making a l’chaim, having cholent and potato kugel, desserts, feeding their own children (because their wives said, “Please take the kids and feed them lunch and don’t come back until you do”) and they did it with a big smile whilst their dining room floor turned from white to gray (don’t worry, we cleaned everything up). Good neighbors are important, but when they are also good people, it is even better.
As a mother, I loved seeing my son’s friends, some I have known for years, some I have just met, and hearing the things they say about him (and his brothers). Thank God, it is just pure joy. The only other thing that would have made this celebration perfect, was if Strudel and her family were there. But no one has everything, and you have to enjoy what you have.
After many trips to the garbage (because it is Israel and the garbage depository has to be at least a block away from your home), Husband #1 and I got to have lunch with our favorite machatunim #3 and their daughter and son-in-law and, of course, Matzo Ball and his sister. Folks, this is why you have to get along with your child’s future in-laws during wedding planning — so you can share these beautiful events with them without tension.
I know that it is not always easy, believe me I know (not from experience, of course) but it is so important.
And now, I would just like to take this opportunity to publicly thank the young man who reads my column and his lovely wife. May you be blessed with good health and simcha and may all of your prayers be answered.
As for the rest of you, I also wish the same.
Husband #1 is going home this week, leaving me to my own devices. Please be kind if you see him.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is grateful to Husband #1 for letting her stay in Israel for so long. Though she is sure he is happy to be left alone for a few weeks.