Adventures with Husband #1

With God’s help, we all get old. Some people are blessed with the ability to age really well, and others, well, not so much. I guess the good thing about marrying someone who is your age is that you hope, again with God’s help, that you age well together.

There have been many times when Husband #1 and I are having a conversation and we cannot remember something — a name, a place, whatever. One Shabbos afternoon, we were blanking on the name of one of Son #2’s friends. It was right there, on the tip of our memories — but for the life of us, we couldn’t remember the kid’s name. And then, like if out of nowhere, I remembered it. And started shouting it like I just discovered a giant secret of the universe.

It was extremely anti-climactic, but that is besides the point. Will we forget his name again? Probably, but what can you do?

A few weeks ago, when we were in Montreal, we ventured out to find a place to eat breakfast. We parked the car on the street, got out, and then attempted to pay the meter. Remember the olden days when paying the meter meant putting a bunch of quarters in and turning the dial thingy? (I believe that is the technical term for whatever it is that you turn.)

Those days are gone. And if you aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed, these things can be a little complicated. First we thought we had to put in our license plate number, but then it turned out we had to put in the parking spot number, which we couldn’t find until we realized it was on the pole that had a bicycle attached to it. And it was in French.

And once we figured that out, and we only figured it out when the man watching us started laughing and decided to help us out, it was time to pay. Well, Husband #1 insisted that the credit card wouldn’t go in. We gave up and went in to get our very-not-good Canadian bagels, hoping we wouldn’t get a parking ticket.

Just as we were about to sit down, some man walks into the store and asks for Husband #1 by name. “How do you know my name?” Husband #1 inquires. “You left your credit card in the parking meter,” he responds.

And that is why his credit card wouldn’t go into the machine — because he had already put another one in. Ah yes, funny and sad all at the same time.

And, yes, the first thing I said was, “I am going to have to write about this.”

Leaving his credit card aside, why do things have to be so complicated?

We parked our car in the garage of the hotel. There is a sign (again, in French, but with decent visual aids) that they are scanning your license before you are allowed in. There are cameras all over, watching the comings and goings in the lot, so they see that you are waiting there, wondering what to do and why the gate isn’t going up and letting you in. But they make you press a button that says, “Need assistance.”

Meanwhile, you just know that the guys watching the cameras are laughing at the morons in the car trying to figure out how to open the car door to press the button because they cannot reach it from the car window. Ahh, technology. Fun times. But it is all good. After all, it is the journey, not the destination. And if you can laugh at yourself, it doesn’t matter if others are laughing at you.

Well, sometimes it does, but what can you do?

I would like to conclude with the following anecdote. I like to walk. It is my therapy. Husband #1 does not like to walk unless he absolutely has to. Many of our friends have expressed concern about Husband #1’s attitude toward exercise (or the lack thereof). The other day, I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me. There were no sports for him to watch and no family members visiting. He said yes. He said yes!! How exciting! So we leave the house and begin our trek around the block.

And then comes the thunder. And then comes the lightning. Seriously? I finally get the guy out of the house, and here comes a storm. “How many minutes do you think we have before it starts to pour?” I asked. “Three minutes,” Husband #1 replied, with much authority. And exactly three minutes later, it started pouring, and we had to run half a block to home.

And that was it for my new walking buddy. What can you do? Life is truly an adventure with Husband #1.

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck will be sure to check her weather app before asking Husband #1 to walk with her again…