How did I become the birthday maven?

I am undoubtedly the most unlikely person you know to be the administrator of our family birthday list. Yet, somehow, in addition to being the chief worrier, most spirited nagging wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, grandmother-in-law, great-grandmother, sister and aunt, that is exactly my position. It has fallen to me, the least organized adult in any room, to be in full charge of delivering timely messages to all our close relatives, communicating celebratory reminders. And I do take my job seriously, going into an absolute panic if I think I’ve forgotten someone — and these being the nearest and dearest, believe me that if and when I do forget, it won’t go unchastised, unforgiven, and unforgotten. That would be unbearable!

I’m not even an invested birthday person. I do have a minuscule number of friends from way back who would never dream of not sending me a birthday greeting. My late sister-in-law could not have imagined not commemorating such an event precisely on time. I know the world is full of people like that. I’m just not one of them. After all, birthdays happen to everyone and they happen once each year. Not really such a big deal! I calculate, not brilliantly at all, that every 365 days you can celebrate, or not, your birthday, which really means that you’re a year older than your last birthday and that millions of people worldwide celebrate with you on that exact day. I blame Facebook for the incessant birthday reminders. I’ve run out of pithy remarks to send to my “friends” on their special days. Usually I just don’t send anything.

Often on my own birthday, and I’ve had lots of them so I know what I’m talking about, I actually need to be reminded that the day has come. I don’t expect presents (although presents are not a bad thing). I just go about my usual day. It’s not like, hey it’s my birthday so I won’t make the bed or clean up the breakfast dishes this morning. Really I don’t do anything at all commemorative on my annual birthday. It just comes and goes.

But yet I’m the family’s head reminder. That’s certainly ironic.

I’m also the anniversary herald. Can you just believe the power! I, who can never be organized enough to remember a dental checkup, am charged with keeping track of dates for a multitude of special occasions.

It really should be my husband’s job. Like his sister before him, he makes a big deal about all kinds of remembrances. But now that he’s ancient, even older than I am, he writes everything down. No, never on his computer. Not part of his skill set. He uses a big piece of folded paper for it all. It would be quite dramatic if he ever lost that paper. I don’t know how we’d function without it. Let’s hope we’re not tested. But you can ask him anything schedule-related. What’s the date of the first seder? When do they pick up the recycling? What time is Danielle’s wedding? He remembers little but writes down all. Way to go!

Some months are busier than others. This month, October, for example. Mixed in the mélange of multiple Jewish holidays that usually fall in October — Sukkot, Simchat Torah and sometimes Yom Kippur — we have family birthdays on the secular calendar on the second, ninth, 10th, 13th, and 29th. And I am the reminder-in-chief for all those events.

I love that my family celebrates and my fervent wish is for them to joyously celebrate forever, or at least ad 120. Here’s to all the festivities. And here’s to growing families — and to life! And if your birthday is coming up soon, yom huledet sameach!

Rosanne Skopp of West Orange is a wife, mother of four, grandmother of 14, and great-grandmother of nine. She is a graduate of Rutgers University and a dual citizen of the United States and Israel. She is a lifelong blogger, writing blogs before anyone knew what a blog was! She welcomes email at rosanne.skopp@gmail.com

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