Husband #1 and Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day! For this special day that my Oreos no longer celebrate, whatever, I asked Husband #1 if I would be able to write a column exclusively written to make fun of him. That would be my gift to myself from myself.
Honestly, he is not so onboard. And my response is, if you aren’t so onboard, you shouldn’t do things that I want to make fun of in the first place. Tell me, folks, am I the only one who feels this way? Do you all live with people who know how to react to a household issue? Please feel free to share with me — the good, the bad, and the humorous.
Picture this. It is 20 minutes before “early” Shabbat begins. I am in the kitchen, putting some food in the warming drawer. All of a sudden, I hear Husband #1 bellowing, at the top of his lungs, “Banj, Banj, we have a flood in the bathroom. Do we have a bucket?”
Please add this to the list of things we had to fix from last week’s column. Home ownership is fun!
The upstairs air conditioning unit was leaking into our bathroom, which is right below it. I ran upstairs to the third floor. Emptied all the suitcases out of the closet where the air conditioning unit is housed, got a towel, cleaned up the water. Ran down to the bathroom, got a chair, climbed on the chair to wipe up the residual leak, Whatsapped our favorite air conditioning guy…all while Husband #1 stood there waiting to take a shower.
I didn’t even get a round of applause.
What is going to happen if I die before him? I am genuinely concerned for his well-being. It’s a good thing our Oreos all like him better because one of them is going to have to take him in.
His most recent bellowing brought me back to many years ago when we were staying with our friends in Chicago. I was upstairs, and all of a sudden, Husband #1 starts yelling, “Banj, Banj, get down here quickly!!” I run down the stairs as fast as I can out of fearful anticipation for what I am about to see and he looks at me with both panic and horror on his face and says, “I forgot to pack underwear!!!”
And off to Walgreens we went. It was a harrowing time.
Okay, Happy Mother’s Day to me. I will stop now. Husband #1 is a wonderful father, a wonderful papa, and a wonderful human. And easy to make fun of. But, then again, so am I.
Speaking of wonderful fathers and humans, Son #3 and DIL #3 did an amazing and beautiful thing — they named Matza Ball after my dad. For those of you who have children or grandchildren named after your parents, it’s a surreal thing, right? I just keep saying this means that he really isn’t coming back, which I do know on some level, but, you know…
My dad was never called by his Hebrew name in the “real world,” so it does make it a little easier. And I would rather my dad still be here, but I do look forward to taking Matza Ball to his first Mets game (if his parents will let me) and telling him all about his namesake. Will Matza Ball have a penchant for reading very thick biographies about Lincoln, Churchill, and world wars? Eating pints of ice cream? Only time will tell. In any event, I wish this little boy and his parents a life of only good health, blessings, mazal and simcha until 120.
Last Sunday, we were invited to a Torah dedication in memory of our friend’s mother. The dedication was taking place on the Island of Long and we thought, “Great, we can honor the memory of our friend’s mother and see our progeny.” Two birds, one large toll.
The Torah dedication was beautiful, and then we got to hang with Strudel, her sisters, and her parents, and then visit Matza Ball and his parents. And then, we got to sit in traffic for almost two hours.
Totally worth it.
Wishing all of the mothers, want-to-be-mothers, soon-to-be mothers a very happy Mother’s Day. And to my beloved Daughters-in-Law #1, #2, and #3, thank you for giving me the best gifts in the entire universe. I love you all!
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck hopes her house will behave itself because it’s getting way too expensive!
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