New face, old face, bad face, worse face
This might be another version of “you know you are getting old when…” Last week, I attended the magnificent wedding of my first cousin’s daughter. When I attend simchas of this particular cousin, I always look forward to seeing people we know in common. The conversations are always friendly, catching up about this and that. When you know someone since high school or before, the connection is always different for some reason. In your mind, everyone’s parents are still healthy and productive, everyone’s siblings still get along and live near each other. Maybe that is just how I think. Of course, I also always look forward to the people we know in common who totally ignore me — that is always fun as well!
In any event, at this particular simcha there was a lot of plastic surgery. And I mean a lot. I was staring at one woman in particular because the top half of her face looked familiar, but the bottom half did not. How do you go over to someone and say, “You look so familiar, but your face is not quite right… Who are you?” Yes, even I know that you cannot say that to someone, so I did what I am very good at. I just pretended that I didn’t see her at all. For the record, I really do love these cousins and everything was beautiful…
It wasn’t until I got home that I realized who it was. Wish I knew her plastic surgeon’s name so I could tell you who NOT to use. Really, don’t use anyone, enjoy what God has given you and realize that even if your face looks somewhat younger, it will still hurt getting out of bed in the morning. And if you look the wrong way when you are putting clothes in the dryer, your back will still go out.
So at this wedding, I am catching up with someone I know from elementary school, who is a little older than I am, and someone who I went to high school with, who is my age. Ironically, they both have the same first name and I am not sure if either of them reads my column. At first we were talking about how grateful we were to have children who were married, what they were up to, my line about how I have an ear piercing for each of my boy’s black hats, you know, the usual.
All of a sudden the conversation took a jarring turn. It became about earplugs. And loud music onset hearing loss. And ringing in the ears that lasts up to 72 hours after a wedding. And how many different colored earplugs they carry with them. And how the clear ones are a particular favorite so then people don’t even realize you are wearing them. WHAT???? When did this happen?
Is this the conversation that happens before the, “Where do you go for hearing aids?” conversations? The “What assisted living do your children want to put you in?” conversation? The “Did you know that hair can grow from the top of your ears?” conversation?
You know the rule about how if you wore something the first time it was in style, you shouldn’t wear the next time it is in style? There was a lot of that at this wedding. I don’t care how skinny you are, if you wore it 30 years ago, you should not be wearing it now. Of course the woman passing judgement (that would be me) is the only woman at this wedding wearing a dress from Chicos and shoes from Skechers. Granted, I was probably the most comfortable guest there, but I was afraid people were going to start offering me cleaning lady jobs. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I have been doing that for Husband #1 for 30 years now.
The lesson here is that if you are standing in an upright position and have the ability to walk from Point A to Point B without assistance, just be grateful. Forget who has done what to their face or body, it’s not your business, unless, of course, they ask you. Who cares what anyone is wearing, unless it is really beautiful jewelry, because I happen to love jewelry because it always fits. And thank God for all of the good things in your life because that is what is most important.
That’s all I got.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck has been having so much fun at Camp Babka that we have even added a third stanza to the camp song. It is not on Spotify, but it is available upon request.
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