Streetcar named London summer

Most parent want their kids to be resilient, independent, resourceful.  Few hope to raise a Blanche Dubois, reliant on the kindness of strangers. But here we were, on a Streetcar Named London Summer.

Last year, my glitter loving Pinky-Purple child, who aspires to a career in the arts — which I’m sure will be just as lucrative as the other paths she might consider — wanted to attend a summer course at Central Saint Martin’s in London, to the tune of several thousand dollars. Much as we love her, to her misfortune, her father and I were feeling rather tapped out by her pre-existing college expenses, not to mention the education of her four sisters and our desire to someday retire before our ages hit triple digits. And so, when she asked permission to dash off to learn textile design and silk screening in one of Europe’s most expensive capitals, we replied sure, as long as you can figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Given that we are Sabbath-observant and strictly kosher, and there isn’t exactly a Glatt Express on every London street corner, we suggested that she try to find a place to stay in a religious neighborhood and commute downtown, rather than add to her expenses by opting for one of the university dorms. She took our advice and began calling some friends from her gap year in Israel.

And what luck!  A friend from her program was home for the summer and generously offered to share her room for the three weeks of the course. Amazing! How fortunate!  How generous!  Come June, we reviewed good guest procedures, bought a beautiful hostess gift, and drove our darling over to JFK for a midweek overnight flight.

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She arrived safely, settled in, and reconnected with her friend. So far so good. The next day, I was a bit surprised when I got a WhatsApp voice message from the friend’s mom, saying, “We are so pleased to meet your daughter. We just wanted to know if she will be staying for tonight only, or plans to stay until Shabbat.”

In the words of the great sage Scooby Doo, Ruh Roh! Apparently, in her excitement to reunite with a seminary friend, my daughter’s London buddy had forgotten to clear it with her family before inviting a long-term houseguest. I can only imagine the look on her mother’s face when she learned that her daughter’s visitor was planning to join them not only until this Shabbat, but for several more to come. Just typing this triggers memories of my own daughters’ “surprises” over the years, and my having a poker face more appropriate for craps. The poor mom. The situation was further complicated by a grandparent’s illness. There simply would be no way to make this work.

Now what? We started scrambling for an alternate arrangement, calling everyone we knew who had so much as watched an episode of “Downton Abbey.” Unfortunately, our London connections are slimmer than my artist’s budget. Mazal is worth more than money, though, and soon Pinky got lucky again, when the aunt of a Teaneck friend was able to offer hospitality for more than a week. Extremely grateful for this kindness, we checked out hotel and dorm options for the remaining weeks; at the height of the summer travel season, our searches yielded zero results. It looked like a little homelessness would be the learning experience of the summer.

Friends, family, and four sisters were engaged to boldly reach out to anyone we knew who had ever stepped foot in the U.K. Probably a few South African friends got calls as well — we’re not great at accents. Desperate for options, I realized my other daughter’s Lone Soldier Parents chat had some British families and decided to post there.

I couldn’t have imagined the outpouring of invitations! Within a day, five amazing families had offered this total stranger a place to stay. Perhaps knowing the value of hospitality for their Lone kids, this group was extra special. Coincidentally, one of the offers was from neighbors of the current host, making the transition especially easy. My dear daughter went from homeless to houseguest, loving the entire family, and forming an enduring friendship.

This experience solidified her total faith in the Jewish community to be there for her in times of need. This year at the seder, we had some discussion about being strangers in a strange land. Our daughter pointed out that even as strangers, we are lucky as Jews to be able to rely on our community to take care of us if we ever need help. Kvell! What an incredible lesson to know that you’re never alone.

One of the most fundamental challenges for parents is to establish for your children a sense of safety and security, despite living in a world of uncertainty. Anxiety is a condition of our era, an ever more prevalent affliction that inhibits the happiness and productivity of a growing proportion of the population.

My own brood, not to mention myself, are no strangers to a little existential dread from time to time. The Jewish condition of the last few years, with surprise attacks, war, and rising antisemitism, have only exacerbated certain all-too-real fears. What a blessing to offset that with the comfort of community, experienced in profound and deeply meaningful ways. Knowing we can rely on each other for kindness, hospitality, and solutions to sudden crises helps us navigate these troubling times, and ensures our children thrive. Just make sure Mom is filled in on the details!

Laura (Lori) Fein of Teaneck is a litigator at Eckert Seamans LLC. She is the daughter of the greatest mom ever, who she hopes is reading this, and the mom to five daughters who probably never will. Her podcast Mommash: The Oy and Joy of Family is available on all platforms, and she can be reached at mommash.podcast@gmail.com.