Hello there! I truly hope you are all having a wonderful summer. Whether you traveled across the world, the oceans, the Brooklyn Bridge, or even just the State Street Bridge, I hope that your days have been filled with joy. I hope that if you have children, they have been getting along. I hope that if you have adult children, they have called or visited at least once this summer, and if there is something that you really wanted to do before Labor Day, I encourage you to try and do it because, as we all know, life is short so just go out and have some fun.
How is that for some intense, uncharacteristic positivity? Thank you, thank you very much.
So I am going to be married for 28 fun-filled years in a few days. Truthfully, I am really looking forward to my/our 30th anniversary (please God, in good health) because I have not yet lost the 30 year $1,000 savings bond that my dear cousin Bernard got us as a wedding present. Which is the bigger accomplishment — staying married for 30 years or not losing the bond? It’s a tough call.
In any event, in celebration of this milestone 28 fun-filled years, I have decided to delve into “The Things I have Learned in 28 Years of Marriage.” Please look to this as a guide, a bible of sorts or, for what it really is, another way for me to make fun of Husband #1. I am just kidding. Sort of. Ok, here we go.
1. I have learned that if you marry someone who puts all his dirty clothes in the hamper every single day, you get less upset with him when he never offers to do the laundry, fold it, or put it away. I am not sure why that is. When we first got married, he would bring the dirty laundry down to the laundry room, but he hasn’t done that in years. But he has never, ever, not even once, left nary a sock on the floor, so that really makes up for it. Again, I have no explanation for this phenomenon.
2. If you insist on always doing everything yourself, you will, most likely, always be doing everything yourself. That is simple enough. Just remember, though, when, a few years down the road, you want someone else to do something, it is already too late. So that is all your fault. Lesson learned.
3. You will never make everyone happy if you only make one dinner. Never. Ever. Of course, you will also become a short order cook, but that is a marketable skill in the current job market, so thank you.
4. When you take three boys, ages 10, 9, and 7, on a baseball road trip, pack in black garbage bags. This is good for many reasons. The first being that black is a fashionable luggage color. The second is because you can then use your fashionable luggage as a laundry bag and then everybody wins! Just don’t forget to the label which bag if for which part of the trip. Not that it matters with boys. They can wear the same underwear and socks for weeks at a time. And we, as boy moms, are very proud of them.
5. Compromise helps make a marriage work. I know this sounds like a cliché, but if everyone wants to watch a sporting event on the big TV and I have to compromise by going downstairs to do laundry and watch on the small TV, that is ok. Because — little did I or Husband #1 know that after all of that compromise took place, 15 years later, none of our boys watch TV anymore, unless it is Torah-related. Good times.
6. If you want your spouse to do something nice for you, you have to ask for it. Sometimes, you have to ask for it several times. Actually, I have been asking for something for almost 28 years and I still haven’t gotten in, so perhaps forget that piece of advice. Maybe you have to ask for it with a weapon close by? No, that is wrong. Very, very wrong. I will have to work on that one before my actual anniversary and let you know how it turns out.
I bet you were worried that there were going to be 28 of these. Not a chance. None of us know how we got here. Are we still married because we are too lazy to leave? Are we still married because we can still laugh at and with each other? Who knows. It is just one day at a time, like everything else. Happy anniversary to us!
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck might have more words of wisdom for you next week — or she just might write about how adorable Strudel and Danish are.