Round 3

Round 3

Okay folks, Round 3 should be over. I hope it went well for you. Four more yom tov meals until the end of Sukkot 2023.

But before we discuss that, I just wanted to give you all a little window into my life, which occurred a few days before Round 3 began. Allow me to put it in a script, as if it were a play.

Scene One — Frazzled Housewife’s home in Teaneck. Friday, September 29, 2023.

Last week, I wrote about having my landline fixed. Well, it was not. My phone still cannot make outgoing calls. Listen kids, I know you don’t really care, but I have to share with you where I am right now. Currently, I have a list of things to do, but I cannot do any of them. Why? Because I cannot find my cell phone.

Which is also my wallet. Which has my license and credit cards in it.

Usually, I use my landline to call my cell phone so I can find it. I cannot use my landline because, like I shared with you earlier, it is still broken.

Son #3 was also supposed to be home 15 minutes ago to put the toppings on our sukkah. I cannot call him to find out why he is late because I cannot find my phone.

Should I walk to synagogue to see where he is? What happens if I walk there one way and he is driving home the other way? If he tries to call me, I won’t answer because I don’t know where my phone is. I cannot call him because I do not have my phone. This is a quandary. And should be the worst thing that ever happens to me in this new year, or any year for that matter.

End of Scene One.

Son #3 finally came home and called my phone. Of course, it was on the dining room table, in plain sight, but that is for another time. I have made another appointment with Verizon and blah blah blah we will see what happens.

Back to Round 3. When the Jews were in the desert and they built their sukkahs and it rained, did some rabbi go from hut to hut telling them that they could go inside? “Just make Kiddish, and then you can dry off in your tent (not to be confused with their huts/sukkahs.)” No, that didn’t happen because, well, I am assuming it is because it doesn’t rain in the desert.

Since my boys have become Oreos, I have been privy to many, many rabbinical rulings on various topics ranging from cauliflower to cream cheese. When rain came up on the weather app for the first night of this festive holiday, everyone went a little crazy. This rabbi said you can do this; that rabbi said you can do that. Yet somehow every rabbi said that women don’t have to worry about any of this.

Hold it. I love when I hear, “The women can stay inside.” Umm, rabbi, who do you think set the table outside and inside and did all the cooking and will have to transfer everything inside if it does rain and so on and so forth and what have you? There are so many things to love about this religion. Rain mixed with Sukkot is not one of them.

This year, after a Facebook survey, I decided not to hang most of my decorations because they would get all wet and then drip all over the table for hours after the rain had stopped. I put up a couple of posters, and Son #3 laminated some pictures of rabbis, because you can never have too many pictures of rabbis in your sukkah. I decided that to balance out the rabbis, I would be hanging up pictures of Rick Springfield and Keith Hernandez. It is only fair. (Bad mommy, very bad mommy).

But in the end, it only rained the first night. Son #3 was still able to sleep in the sukkah because, even though he never makes his bed, he can figure out how to set up a tarp, with a mattress and sleeping bags, his shabbos alarm clock, and any other accoutrements he may need for the night. But, in all honesty, I was very blessed to have him home for Round 3 because he is awesome, really helpful, and knows to feed me when I get hangry. You cannot really ask for more than that!

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is really looking forward to Round 4. We should all just stay healthy! Enjoy y’all!

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