One fish, two fish, red fish, Pew fish: the year in rhyme

One fish, two fish, red fish, Pew fish: the year in rhyme

It’s time to remember two thousand thirteen

And recap in rhyme all that went on in between

The president picking his aide Jacob Lew

And the mixed diagnosis from the good folks at Pew,

From the deaths of Ed Koch, forever Hizzoner

To Edgar M. Bronfman, the consummate donor.


The biggest story of the year

Involved a poll that made us fear

That religion is no longer key

To a Jewish identity,

And while Jews are proud of being Jews,

You won’t find them in the pews.

Less God, more lox; less shul, more jokes,

It’s pick and choose for the Chosen folks.


Iran appeared to turn a page,

Offering up more charm than rage,

And agreeing to a six-month freeze

On nuclear activities.

Well, not all, they’re still allowed some

Enrichment of uranium.

The West is hoping that the im-

ams aren’t crazy as they seem.


Bibi was reelected with a team

Out of a political fever dream.

On the right was Bennett, a balding hawk,

On the left Lapid, with a gift for talk.

Could Netanyahu lead Zion’s revival

With this ungainly team of rivals?

The answer it turned out was, no.

A captain must say where to go.


Obama found the Jewish state

To his liking — in fact great.

In talks before Israeli youth

He shared an inconvenient truth.

‘Peace is made by folks like you.

But I’ll lend you Kerry — and when he is through,

Perhaps we will have cured this mess

(Believe me — I could use the rest).”


Obamacare turned out to be more

Complex than most had bargained for.

With promises broken and websites a-breakin’,

Am I covered for having my confidence shaken?

Is there a cure for bad execution?

Even its fans were plagued by confusion.


A clash of wills at the Western Wall

Would dominate headlines for much of the fall.

Women opened the box of Pandora

Merely by seeking the right to read Torah.

Imagine the horror if another land’s naysayers

Were hounding the Jews for saying their prayers?


The year brought Jews a level of scandal

That often seemed more than we could handle.

William Rapfogel seemed to rob from the poor

To make himself rich, while Bob Filner swore

That the pinches and kisses that made women cry

Were friendly advances from a mere hands-on guy.


But don’t let the bad eggs spoil our cheer

As we enter another Gregorian New Year.

So lift your glass of kosher Champagne

And hope we don’t see a year like this again.

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